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Friday, 26 April 2013

I am Kevin your average Atheist

Hi, this is Kevin do not shove your religion down my throat as I am rational free thinker and a secular humanist

  • I believe in the separation of church and state and I am for women equality
  • The meaning of life is the Big Bang and the Universe is incredibly big while you are incredibly small
  • I read peer-reviewed articles everyday, I read your Bible too and it is full of contradictions.
  • I am a gay sex fan and you should be protesting against haircut, shaving and seafood
  • Jesus had two dads and he never said anything against gay and transgenders
  • The difference between me and you is that you believe in your god and you don't believe in other gods when I don't believe in your god and I don't believe in other gods.
  • The difference between me and your god is that if a woman was raped I would rape her like a bonobo
  • I understand evolution. I don't need faith to believe it even if I can't really explain genetic recombination.
  • Your life is the result of random chance and you're nothing more than chemical reactions
  • Every baby is born an atheist and every baby should have the right to be aborted.
  • Your god is homophobic, suicidal, genocidal, homicidal, sexist, racist, xenophobic, zoophilic, anaerobic,incestual, pervert, infanticidal,...
  • Hitler was not an atheist because his motto was "God is with us" nor was Stalin and Mao Zedong.
  • Answers all my questions as I am ready for a debate supported with all facts and evidence
  • Christopher Hitchens is my god and Carl Sagan is my master.
  • We raised atheist money for charity and our kids got free food and free Richard Dawkins books.
  • I cannot disprove the existence your god as I cannot disprove that a pink dragonfly is orbiting the Earth in a green Scottish dress.
  • Your god and your religion had done much more damage than the whole humanity in human history.
  • We are the ones persecuted by religion and if it was not about religion we would be space travelling and having free health care..
  • Two gay men is much more acceptable and cooler than one man raping his 500 virgin daughters.
  • Homosexuality was proven as a scientific fact and homosexuality is present in 450 million species.
  • Keep your bible away from vagina and don't bring the abiogenesis argument.
  • There is no evidence of a virgin birth, of turning water into wine as well as Jesus himself.
  • the Bible was reedited in the King James version and it had been scientifically proven that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were spouses.
  • When you say God did it? do you mean the Flying Spaghetti Monster and his noodly appendages, the flying teapot, Zeus, Thor, Cthulhu.. By the way Christians were called Atheists by the Roman for not believing in their gods.
  • God works in mysterious ways? How do you explain Erythrtelaneictatic roacea, Hidradenitis suppurativa, Perifolliculitis capitis abscednes  and the Boston bombings?
  • I don't do much things worse than your paedophile priests and your religious bigots who kill in the name of your god.
  • Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, Paris Hilton and Steve-O are all atheists.
  • Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Demi Moore were all gay.
  • Christmas, Easter and New Year's Eve are all pagan holidays.
  • So the Old Testament doesn't apply? tell me more about Deuteronomy 2:45 and Leviticus 23:16
  • Atheism is not a religion as it is the lack of belief but I believe in Biocentrism and everyone who doesn't believe that is a fucking moron.
  • So morality comes from religion? Explain me how the code of Hammurabi was written 2000 years before the Bible?
  • So Jesus came to teach love? Explain me why he said that he didn't come to send peace but sword and he came to set a man against his father.
  • So you hate gay people? Didn't Jesus come to teach love? Didn't he ask to love one another?
  • I am involved in satanic rituals as I listen to heavy metal and everyone who loves One Direction is a freaking Faggot!
  • 10 years ago I didn't think there could be Alien life in the outer space and all of those who believed it were complete morons, today I believe there may be a probability of life out there because it would be extremely arrogant saying we are on the only planet that have life but all of those who believe in UFOs and Alien abductions are complete morons.
  • I get all my scientific knowledge from Neil deGrasse Tyson quotes and TheAmazingAtheist videos.
  • There is no purpose in life other than looking at the cosmos

        A creation scientist convincing an arrogant Atheist that his religion is wrong

"Bob and Stuart"

Bob: Hey, my friend what are you reading?

Stuart: A book on evolution

Bob: Do you know that there is a lot of misinformation in there?

Stuart: Stupid, idiot, moron, religious bigot. Evolution is a fact! And it was demonstrated by Charles Darwin to be real.

Bob: Ok, calm down my friend. We will have a nice conversation.

Stuart: So what are you going to say moron?

Bob: How long Did Charles Darwin live?

Stuart: How could I know?

Bob: 78 years. Do you think he could formulate such a "theory" when none of the creatures he observed evolved during those 78 years?

Stuart: But what about the transitional fossils he had?

Bob: That's the thing where all of you atheists get wrong. Charles Darwin never had transitional fossils. Indeed, he said the following "The lack of transitional fossil is the most obvious and gravest objection which can be urged against my theory"

Stuart: How come you know that? you are just making up this quote to justify your beliefs?

Bob: Look, Stuart I was just reading the last lines on your book?

Stuart: Oh "The lack of trans.......against my theory." Charles Darwin really said that! But why did I never see that before?

Bob: Because, when evolutionist scientists teach you about your origins, they hide the evidence that disprove evolution and they just select the false information provided. You should know your textbook. You should not have an evolutionist read it for you.

Stuart: Oh, that's really unfair! But why would they do that?

Bob: It's all about control. They know that evolution had been a lie since Charles Darwin developed his "theory" from his own imagination 200 years ago despite the fact that he himself rejected evolution many people mostly impostors benefited from it, selling thousand books and creating institutions that pay thousands of dollars to teach it.

Stuart: Oh the liars! I have been feeding such people all my life! But what makes you say that your religion says the truth?

Bob: The bible was written at the beginning of time. And those people who were living at that time had perfect memory of what was happening. Don't forget that mankind was still new so most of their accounts was accurate. You couldn't believe that the claims of people who were born thousands of years after the creation of the world were more knowledgeable than the ones that were written by witnesses.

Stuart: I agree with you. I can't believe that I denied real testimonies of people all my life.

Bob: I know, but hopefully you met me.

Stuart: So what about Neanderthal?

Bob: Oh, Stuart, you should know your biology lessons. Neanderthal was not our ancestor but he lived at the same time with man.

Stuart: But who were our ancestors?

Bob: I should call you ignorant! They are mentioned in the first pages of the Genesis.

Stuart: Sorry, I should get more historical knowledge before asking you irrelevant questions.

Bob: And even if you believe your ancestors were animals. You would not have the ability to use reason nor to comprehend the mysterious truth around the Genesis. This is what evolutionists try to teach you. They say you are just animals so you will think you are an animal and you will no longer have the right to be treated equally to them nor you will get the right to ask good questions such as the lack of transitional fossils or Charles Darwin denial of evolution. This is the reason why atheists promote abortion and homosexuality because they don't want people to be treated like humans.

Stuart: But homosexuality is present in 450 species.

Bob: That's what I'm trying to explain to you! You have been so brainwashed my friend! They want to create a close connexion  between humans and animals, so people will will accept the fact that they will no longer need to have human rights and those evolutionists will be able to control the population and to set their own rules.

Stuart: Oh shit! This is why they promote gay marriage?

Bob: Exactly. You can have a look at the atheist agenda here.

Stuart: I am learning so many things with you.

Bob: Yes. a few minutes earlier, you were reading a book that teaches you that you are a monkey, now you are aware of your human value.

Stuart: And I know that all of theses had been all lies. How dumb could I be! It is obvious that if evolution was true there would be billions of species as you explained to me.

Bob: Yes, there would be a thousands of versions of transitions between a starfish and an octopus, thousands of transitions between a horse and a crocodile, thousands of transitions between a polar bear and a flower.

Stuart: Hahhaha and perhaps millions between an evolutionist and a human.

Bob: Hahaha. There would be too much species that it would have never fit in Noah's ark!

Stuart: How ridiculous! I can't believe I had faith in such fairy tales all my life! Now I realize how ridiculous I was I hope not so many creationists noticed me.

Bob: I am glad that I opened your eyes. Do you wanna go to church tomorrow with me and my friends.

Stuart: Sure I'll do. Fuck Atheism!

[The conversation between the Atheist and the Creationist is obviously a satire as we are the last people to support Creationism. It is also an attempt to troll Atheists are they are easily trollable and irritable, ready to response with arguments supported with all facts and evidence]


  1. Probably the most retarded strawman I have ever seen.

  2. That's some funny satire. Lmao. Check out Landoverbaptist.net its also good.